Hi Honey, I'm Huge!!

Today, I was crossing the street with a smoothie and two cups of coffee in one hand, Tyler's hand in the other, when it occurred to me that, very soon, I won't be able to do such a thing. Not without some help or a stroller, or at the very least, a large bag full of supplies. I haven't carried a diaper bag in almost one year, and the thought of binkies and bottles and burp-cloths both excites and terrifies me.


I'm so together right now. I feel like I can do anything. I can mother and work and sleep and pursue creative schemes, and meet friends for lunch and coffee and drinks.... I can pack a lunch in five-minutes and get out the door in ten. I can spend an entire day without so much as touching a stroller. An entire week, even. I can spend an afternoon outside and know at every moment where my child is, what he's doing and if/when he needs me to give him a boost or push him on the swing. I can, in one hand, balance two full cups of coffee on top of a 16 ounce Acai smoothie with Calcium boost.


For now.


I feel like I have finally figured out how to be a mother and a wife and an individual without leaving anyone out. I am confident in my multi-tasking across busy streets. I know what I'm doing...


Aha! But not for long.


And so, the butterflies. The twisted bellyaches that growl and vibrate the unknown. Whispering, "I got it! I got it! I got it!" because that's what the coaches tell you to say when you think you got it. And, "I got it," I think, standing here, once again.


But that's the game. And that's motherhood... And I'm sure its been said, a thousand times before, in ways far more eloquent than I can express, that the moment we think we have it all under control, is the ideal moment to lose our balance and spill coffee all over our silly gypsy boots.

And so I embrace the nerves and cramps and sweaty palms. And I wait...



...With napkins ready.

A sweet talkin' sugar coated candyman

                                   My sweet sugar candyman           

If You’re Afraid of the Dark, Remember the Night Rainbow

"If tomorrow morning the sky falls...have clouds for breakfast.

If you have butterflies in your stomach...ask them into your heart."

~~Cooper Edens~~~

Cooper Edens is one of my all-time favorite Children's Book authors. If you don't know of these wise, whimsical books, I highly recommend looking into them. They're magical. Loved them as a child. Love them even more as a parent.

www.amazon.com/Youre-Afraid-Remember-Night-Rainbow

....We likes to potty

I've spent the better part of the last two weeks on the toilet and not because I have to go to the bathroom.


Ah, yes. Welcome to potty-trainingsville, where it's wet and the washing machine is always rockin' and it's probably not a good idea to walk around barefoot (or in socks). Enter with caution, people. (And platform shoes.) You never know what kind of tiny puddles might be lurking in the shadows...

So here we are. Naked from the waist down. Brand new Cars underwear and pull-ups as far as the eye can see and a toilet that sings when you lift the seat, which sounds kind of like a recipe for disaster but no. I'm actually really having fun with this whole potty situation. Maybe because for now, we're keeping it indoors. Diapers? We are weaning those babies for good!


I was not so excited about the prospect of potty-training (come on, like who is?). I was especially unstoked because of Tyler's communication issues and his difficulty articulating his needs re: toilet time. But now that Tyler's talking more (and more) and I can understand him: "potty mommy! pee-pee now!" I figured the time had come. And apparently so did Tyler.
I have learned that the secret of parenting Tyler well is to let him take his time. He is not someone who should or can be pushed. In fact, the day he decided to use the potty was the day I stopped asking him to. He's like a teenage girl that way. So I don't want to scare, push or upset him into pooping on the potty. I just want to excite him by the awesome prospect of potty-pooping.
In the meantime, I'm enjoying this phase of Ty-ty's life. The pleasure he takes in the simplest of tasks. The pride my son has in his pee on pot accomplishments. And the hope I cling to dearly that come May,Tyler will be (pretty close to) potty trained. Surely one babe in diapers is enough.

Also, for those of you who are or have potty-trained your kids, do/did you bring a portable toilet with you on outings? Is there a toilet that folds and fits into a large purse or diaper-bag or should I invent one?


Thank you in advance for your toilet-tips!

Red vs. purple = Rot gegen Lila

winterdays

Answers to the IUD post

My mother always said to avoid anything that affects your natural cycle. Her words: "It comes out for a reason more than science ... sanity."



It's funny that I was just reading all the info on the Mirena and you post this. I like the idea of not dealing with birth control, but it kinda freaks me out in a way. I need a great method that won't mess with me and will prevent kids!


Hormonal contraceptives make me literally nuts. Depressed, ragey, withdrawn, so me and my man use condoms. It's mildly a hassle but also much better than throwing your laptop speakers when you have a internet connection.


i love this. i too have zero sex drive now. no iud for me, but i do have a 4 month old baby. im blaming it on her...


My sis in law has one - I wonder what it's doing to her. I have no sex drive either but my problem is depression. Lame. My birth control method is fingers crossed - not that I want to hump any how. *sigh*


I am basically in the same place, except I spot constantly with the Mirena since it was placed a couple of months ago and can't tell whether the lack of a sex drive might have more to do with the four-month-old baby attached to me much of the time. Anyway, I had the copper IUD between my first and second babies, and it was fine but the periods were really heavy. So far, not happy with the Mirena, but don't want to go back to copper. But I CANNOT figure out what to use instead. The pill is out since I'm breastfeeding, and I know too many people who got pregnant on the "mini-pill." Condoms, sponge, diaphragm are all unappealing and not as effective as I'd like. And even though we're 99% sure we're stopping at two kids, I don't want to do anything permanent.


I LOVED my Mirena. It didn't stop my periods (though they were a little lighter) and it also didn't mess with my sex drive (thank goodness!). Still, when it came time to have it removed last October, I opted not to have another one inserted. Because, yeah, a piece of plastic stuck in my cervix for several more years? How is that okay?

Of course, the Mirena is the ONLY birth control that's ever worked for me. The pill makes me puke (even the ones with the lowest dose of hormone that only work if you take them at the EXACT same time every single day), the ring turned me into a giant crazy depressed migraine on legs. You get the point...

So the IUD came out in October, *before* we figured out our alternative birth control plan. It's now January, and I'm 9 weeks pregnant. Whoops. :)

It's okay for us. We were planning on having another baby... eventually. But yeah. I highly recommend getting the alternative figured out before yanking the IUD. And, maybe if you're two condom hating people like we are, maybe don't plan on *that* being the alternative. Heh. (I'm saying that more to myself than to you. Lesson learned.)


I had the Mirena for 2 years and took it out for pretty much all the reasons you mentioned plus the additional fear of not being able to have children because of it. My Dr. at the time, prescribed it to all his patients as THE BEST BIRTH CONTROL EVER!!!! And I was suckered in. I didn't do any research on it, I just blindly agreed. Afterwards, when I had a period for almost a year straight, I decided to do some research and found out that it can cause quite a bit of damage to your womanly parts. Of course, most of the damage happens with the insertion, and since I already had it in, I was like FUUUUCK! What if I'm damaged? So I had it removed and then faced the same issue as you - what do I use now? And, in the midst of all of that, yup! You guessed it! I got pregnant. So... I guess it didn't damage me.

Good luck - a lot of my friends use the Nuva Ring and really like it - just a suggestion.


Thanks for your input. I've had my Mirena in since November, and I'm okay with it except that I've been bleeding non-stop ever since having it inserted and I'm now anemic due to that. I go to the doctor's tomorrow, and I'm torn. On the one hand, I hate not having to take The Pill. On the other hand...yeah.


Been there and yanked it! I feel much better now. Still kinda bitchy but starting to realize that might just be who I am. ;-)


ooooh, yikes, see, i allllmost went on Mirena too because i hated the pill, but then i read a discussion board where people were like HORMONES BAD and i realized, wow, if my sex drive on the pill sucks (it did), then Mirena will be worse. So I made the husband get The Big Snip. BWAhahahahhaa cough cough.


I had Mirena too...biggest mistake ever!! I don't know why I ever left my beloved ortho evra patch, but I immediately went back to the patch after the iud was yanked. Have been back to normal ever since.

:)


Thank you for this post. I was literally going to make an appointment tomorrow to get the IUD. Now I'm NOT! I'm on the Nueva Ring and it's okay. My sex drive is okay, could be better and it's nice not having to take a pill every day.



Good to know. I went of hormonal BC pills in September because even a "low dose" pill killed my sex drive. Gone. Totally gone. Now 4 months off of it, my mojo is back. We don't love them, but we're using condoms. Or well, we were, until we decided we were ready to stop trying NOT to get pregnant. Anyway, I doubt I'll ever return to anything containing hormones ever again. And while condoms suck, I do like the lack of mess, and the fact that they don't eff with my sex drive. Good luck with your pregnancy!


Yup, that's why I don't do the hormonal types of bc. I am a FREAK on hormones. My copper IUD is really the best alternative for me. I don't necessarily like it, but since I don't do hormones and I am allergic to spermicide, I am left with very few options. I still have my sex drive with the paraguard and my cycle is pretty much back to normal after having it in a year, so aside from the strings and the paranoia that I might get pregnant anyway, it works well.


Yep, this post could have been written about me. Except for the period thing. My period lasted for 6 months. Then I had the damn thing pulled out. You'll find something that works for you


that sounds bad. i recommend the ring too. nuva ring is great. you only need to think about it once a month (okay, twice. once to put it in, once to take it out.) lighter periods. i don't think it did anything to my sex drive. you won't feel it, and neither will your husband.


Oh my gosh, thank you for posting about this. I have been planning on getting an IUD because I hate pills, and condoms are no fun. But I'm DONE having babies (I thiiiiink??) so I figured an IUD would be the best thing after Nutella Butterfinger is born next month. But I'm so very worried about the hormones. And I feel like doctors never really tell the whole story when you ask them. Probably because all the ones I see have penises (not more than one each though! At least I hope not.) and have no idea how jacked artificial hormones can make your body feel.

So this is an excellent post. I'm curious to see what other people say, and if anyone has tried the copper IUD with any success or otherwise.


I had this problem when I was on the pill - no sex drive and it SUCKED. I was also a newlywed and it didn't really go so well having a hubby who wanted to do it all the time and having no libido in return. I actually ended up going a different route all together by going off the pill and using the fertility awareness method (FAM). The book 'Taking Charge of Your Fertiliy' by Toni Weschler explains it all. You take your temp every morning and watch how your cervical fluid changes over the course of a month to predict when you're going to ovulate. You end up not having to use condoms for nearly three out of four weeks of every month. And it's amazing how easy your body is to read. We survived a long time with this method before having a baby, and I had no problems getting pregnant when we decided the time was right - which goes to show that it actually was working. Seriously, it may sound like a lot of work, but it's incredibly fascinating and surprisingly easy. And it's an amazing read regardless of whether you use the method or not - I think it should be a required book in high school health class. .. Regardless, it's something not often talked about, but is insanely amazing and you get to keep your libido!


Paragard (copper) IUD user, here.

It's not perfect, certainly. But I'm on my second one, so that tells you something. I definitely have heavier periods with it (and my periods were heavy to begin with). I also have several days of spotting before my "real" (i.e. heavy bleeding) period. However, taking Vitex (chaste tree berry) every day from ovulation to the first day of my period REALLY helps with the spotting.

I keep hoping there's some super-secret, totally AWESOME birth control out there...and I just haven't heard of it. Apparently, if it's out there, none of you have heard of it either.I got pregnant while "being on" the Mirena.



wow i am sooo glad i'm not alone. I have been contemplating taking out my Mirena because of the cysts i got on my uterus, no sex drive, emotions going crazy, the bad headaches, back aches, and now that you guys mention it, the yeast infections. My husband says he can feel it poking him, and all in all i feel like i haven't lost any of my baby weight because of it(my daughter is 1 yr old) I didn't go on anything after i had my son because me and my husband weren't living together and i never had any of these problems.

You just confirmed that i need to find another birth control asap, because it doesn't seem like this is getting any better.

I have hearrd of the Implanion, that goes in your arm for three years. I have to see if any drs will do it around here because it soundsl ike its not as bad as the shot. Anyone else have it?


I had the Mirena for about 2 years. It didn't kill my sex drive, actually it was quite the opposite after going off of the pill. I had it removed almost two years ago due to other issues (precancerous cells on my cervix and the procedure needed to cut them out). My husband got snipped and now we are birth control free and loving my crazy sex drive! :)


Not to freak you out too much or anything, buuuuut....my best friend had the Mirena. Her boyfriend could feel it when they boned. Eventually all the boning and being able to feel it led to the Mirena attaching itself TO HER BODY and she had to have it surgically removed. Like last week. No bullshit. Pleeeease don't let that happen to you!


I totally love my Mirena. Had a paragard several years back and didn't like it for a number of reasons. I'm one of those people who does better on a little hormone - my acne clears right up. I don't know about sex drive - since I'm also on antidepressants it's hard to tell what's affecting me more. My sex drive was always higher than my husband's so I guess this sort of balances us out. And for some reason he could feel the strings on the Paragard but not the Mirena - I think it has to do with the fact that my OB left the strings a little longer and they sort of curve upwards now rather than poking him.

Sorry you were having a shitty time on the Mirena though.
It's so hard to find just the right birth control. There really need to be more options!



Ugh. I was so psyched when I first heard about Mirena. I thought that would be perfect after I had babies, but I guess not! Am on the pill now and am just ok with it. I'm not psycho and I'm not depressed. I'm just kinda.....even. My libido is a bit affected and it's not as crazy as I'd like it to be. I used to be a total horndog. I miss my regular cycle and the highs and lows that came with it. Is that weird to say?

I think the answer is that being a lady is hard. I don't want to have babies at the moment. But I would like to bone my husband more. Sadly, those two desires are connected and it seems like any birth control interferes in some way or another.

I used to think FAM was crazy and I don't ever think my husband would go for it. But man, I totally see the benefits now. Good luck to all of us dealing with hormonal issues!


I had the Mirena put in about 4 months after my 2nd child was born. Went in easy - minimal bleeding - a no brainer.

I had the IUD in for a total of 1 month and felt like I was on an emotional rollercoaster the entire time. I even had one particularly intense couple of days where I felt suicidal. Seriously, the lowest low I've ever had.

Oh! And just like you, zero libido. It was pathetic.

I really tried, gave it my best to stick with it, but ended up removing it after 1 month. I'm back on the pill (the same one I was on years ago before the kiddos came around) and feel great. Good luck finding something that works (better) for you!


I had a Paraguard between my pregnancies and loved it. My husband did not feel the strings. I still also used a menstrual cup (The Keeper) with no problems. I experienced no pain when it was removed. The Mister is probably going to get a vasectomy after this baby is born but, if for some reason he doesn't, I'm going back to the Paraguard. Maybe I'm just one of the lucky ones where it's a great form of birth control.


I know hormonal birth control works for some people, but for me, it's been hell-hell-hell. Migraines, stroke-like symptoms, bone loss, mood swings, weight gain. I'm currently looking into natural family planning and fertility awareness methods (and no, I'm not a religious zealot - I'm an atheist Canadian hippie) because it's my last option, besides condoms every-single-time. I haven't had any babies yet, so no chance for sterilization. Good luck.

Inside my heart

If you would tear apart my heart and looked inside of it, then this is what you would find:



My lil boy in snowsuit and red cheeks.

IUDisasterville

I know this post is very honest. Brutal honest. That is why it is only gonna be puplished today. I just think we should be able to talk about those things too.....Please do not make fun of me (too much)!!

Okay so I hate the IUD. I realized this contrary, perhaps to my earlier post (that I've never puplished) about loving how easy .... loving that I have no period... loving that I don't have to take a pill... etc, etc, etc..

Yeah, no.

Here's why I changed my mind:

This week would have marked my only one-year anniversary with my Mirena - the IUD with a leetle beet of hormone. Hormone my OB promised wouldn't effect me at all. And I believed him. Even though he was like, "you may not ever have a period again as long as you're on it!" and I was like, "Oh! Cool! That seems natural for the female body! Stick 'er in there, sir!"

Because I'm not very smart.

And he was right! After a couple of weeks. No period! No period for almost an entire year. But guess what happens when hormones fuck with your body's natural SITUATION - you aren't yourself. And for me? The casualty of IUD has been my sex drive.

I've been meaning to blog about this for a whole year now because my original post was so IUD = HOORAY! And you know what? Some IUDs may be awesome. The copper one? I hear great things about. Besides a heavier period, they supposedly rock. (Although, now that I had an IUD, I realize I hate the idea of having a T-shaped contraption shoved up my vag, stuck for a decade in my uterus.) But the Mirena? Was not my BFF. Not at all.

Besides the whole hormones - Were turning me into a complete prude, devoid of my former ability to come hither at a moment's notice, my man could feel the strings, which ... ouch for him. (Not that we were having sex. I threatened to call the police when Dom tried to touch me. I even went so far as calling him a mate-rapist.)

I was warned by many of you re: Mirena's unholy traits and now I get it. I understand the controversy, I do.My body was insane. I had emotinale breakdowns and I'm usually a pretty balanced girl. I have my moments of fog but seldom freak out. Until the IUD when I started to feel funny. Hormonal funny. Emotional, on edge and totally besides myself. with bouts of random tears, and even anger. It didn't stop there. My sense of smell was noticeably heightened. I've had those "Pregnancy scares" the whole time I was on the IUD. And guess what?! 3months of me and the IUD I actually have been pregnant but all those symptoms showed up as soon as I've gotten the Mirena.

My short story:

I've been runing to my doctor's 6 times in two weeks not knowing what to do about my migrane anymore. Heavy Pain killers didn't work and nothing else I've tried. I've also had an X-ray.

After all this something told me to get a pregnancy test. Positiv! Just as the following two. And Thank good my daughter seems to be all heahlty after the x-ray disaster. I was 12 weeks pregnant when I've found out.

My doctor made an Ultrasound. My dearest Mirena was just hanging there.... waiting to come out.

And so???

What do you use?